All of us who are honest with ourselves will face this issue at some point on our life’s journey:

How and when do we part ways with negative relationships?

First and foremost, be careful not to stereotype others as negative relations simply because they do not have the same awareness as you have.

When you have expanded awareness and personal power, there is a danger in easily becoming judgmental of others. Pride comes before a fall.

So always keep honor, respect and compassion as the foundation stones in all of your relationships.

Second, there is no need for some great announcement when you’ve decided to end a negative relationship.

The most important thing is to be honest with your self.

If a relationship is negative at this point in your life and it’s time for you to move on, simply get busy
working on yourself and that person will drift away naturally.

If they press in where they are used to having access, simply no longer be available.

Most of the time this will work, but on occasions when it won’t, be as honest and non-emotional as possible when communicating with them.

Stick to facts rather than conjecture and feelings.

And focus on your behavior and choices, rather than theirs.

Instead of saying, “You are a negative person,” you might say “I’ve decided I need to spend more time improving myself. Thanks for understanding right now.”

Notice when you add “…right now” to the end of a statement thanking them in advance for what you want them to do, you anchor in that they will and are doing it now.

[Can you add that to your persuasion skill set? Absolutely! It's called "compliance anchoring"]

Back to the subject at hand:

Do not allow yourself to be drawn into debate or argument. This only drains your energy and can cause imbalance. Once you are imbalanced, you can easily be manipulated.

Remember Mr. Bolan’s golden rule:

Energy First, Last and Always!

Your emotional response to them transfers control to whatever confused spirit that is controlling them!

And when you focus on others as the reason for where you are now, you give them power over you, and weaken your own power.

Instead, focus on working on yourself and your principles, and your relationships will naturally gravitate in the right direction.

Closure isn’t always necessary, but if for some reason you were too harsh in the past or intuit a valid reason to reach out to the person, you can always contact them and say

“Hey, I just want to say thank you for being in my life when you were, and I wish you all the best.”

Objectively, rather than Subjectively, accept any response they have – whether it be a “thank you” or a “f— you!”

Either is okay. The point is that you honor where you are, and honor where they are, and respect that it may
not be in the same place.

Don’t be afraid to extend a hand in friendship, but always respect your own boundaries and comfort level in order to control and protect your energy. This is vitally important!

Let your spirit guide you in these matters, rather than your emotions or rash and mechanical thinking.

And of course never compromise your principles for the sake of a relationship.

Be honest with your self. If you are being manipulated, bring it to a hard and fast stop and then move in a new direction or better yet, stand still and consolidated in your center.

And never assign YOUR values on other people. Don’t assume others share your values or level of caring. That can only be proven through their actions and level of personal congruency.

Good Character is my number-one requirement for students, and for friends and relationships.

The golden rule for all relationships is “authenticity.” The person must be genuine and honest with you. This protects you, and them. Then you are free to enjoy the relationship with no illusions or agendas.

Keeping it real,
Scott Bolan

© 2010 Masters Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. For Academic and Philosophical Study Only. We may be compensated for any links you click in this blog post or on our website. Thank you.

I hope you had an awesome 4th of July!

Let me ask you something:

Have you ever said something out of anger or frustration, only to regret it later?

I think we’ve all been there at one time or another.

In fact, just this past weekend I spoke harshly to a dear friend in a crude humor email that he just plain didn’t deserve.

When he responded, at first I swelled up with pride in the knowledge that I was “right” and “justified.”

Then, fortunately, I realized I was venting my frustrations at him and being incongruent myself.

I accused him of being rude, yet I was being rude!

I asked his forgiveness the moment I saw what had really happened.

You see, no matter how much of a bad-ass you are, no matter how well you are doing or self-mastered you are, there is always the potential for error if you are too prideful to self-examine your own motivations, emotions and behaviors.

Genuine Self-Examination requires Humility.

Humility is vitally important to the Warrior for three reasons:

1. It makes YOU STRONGER!

Yep. It really does.

Pride and stubbornness actually rob you of your energy and vital life-force! So does the False Humility so common today.

Yet True Humility actually increases your energy and makes you stronger.

2. The Ripple Effect: the other person may be dealing with issues and stresses far greater
than you know.

Your bitching at them may be the last thing in the world they need to hear, and could hurt them in ways you never thought of or intended.

When you put out a callous or negative energy, you are effecting the Quantum Field – adding darkness to the entire universe. This is a cause of dis-ease and illness, not only to others, but to your self!

Do I mean that a bad attitude can actually effect the universe itself?

Yes. Absolutely.

3. A True Warrior must be CONGRUENT.

His behaviors, speech and actions should always be EXCELLENT.

Remember this: Always Be EXCELLENT.

If you ever find that your thoughts, speech and actions aren’t Excellent, be honest with yourself and immediately make them so.

Find Personal Excellence and keep it as your guiding light. Your Inner/Higher Self knows what Excellence really is, and it is always IMMEDIATE.

True excellence does not need to wait until you feel better, are in the mood, etc.

Excellence is always in the Present Moment. The NOW.

Otherwise you’re BS’ing yourself.

Once you’ve done that, apologize if it is the right thing to do.

Pride is a highly intoxicating, invisible drug.

I’ve found too many times that the folks proclaiming they are of the “treat others as you would have them
treat you” crowd don’t actually do that.

Instead, they judge others and get a “Pride High,” yet always give themselves a pass on their own incongruencies.

I’m glad I caught myself at the start of a pride high, because I never want to be one of those fakes out there.

The real Warrior walks his talk and applies it TO HIMSELF.

He really does treat others as he wants to be treated.

So I sincerely apologized to my friend.

I just thought I’d share this with you tonight.

I hope you enjoyed this email and found it useful.

I’ll talk to you soon, okay?

You have a great night

(and I hope you had an awesome 4th of July!)

Namaste,
Scott Bolan

©2010 Masters Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved. For Academic and Philosophical Study Only. We may be compensated for any links you click in this email or on our website. Thank you.